Josh

If you grew up knowing a Josh, you already know this story.

Josh comes in to Mrs. Johnson's 4th grade class 5 minutes late, just like every other monday. She sighs, unamused, while he circles the class twice, shaking the blonde hair out of his eyes every time he passes Alicia.

When Mrs. Johnson finishes writing the warmup on the wall, she turns around to see him still pacing the room.

"If you don't choose, Josh, I'll choose for you."

He snickers, winkss at the teacher, and starts to sit down next to Alicia. I guess his dad taught him that trick this weekend. He's not so suave when his mother has him.

"Not there. Sit next to Daniel and start the warm-up."

I immediately begin sweating. That weekend, I saw Tom and Huck and immediately asked my mother how to make my awkward, wavy hair straight like JTT's. She suggested I put mousse in it, sleep with a hat on, and I'll wake up looking fantastic. I woke up with hard hair that wasn't all the way combed back, but pretty close. This couldn't be further from what Josh looked like.

He snickered again, and sat next to me.

"Hi, I'm Josh."
"Yeah, I think we've met a few times."
"Oh, right. Cool. Good to meet you."

I looked over at his No Fear shirt and brand new watch with a compass on it and slid my old Casio calculator watch under the desk, hoping he wouldn't notice the collar or zipper on the shirt my grandma got me.

At recess, I immediately ran off with my yellow Tamagachi monkey, remembering I hadn't fed him all day. His name was Larry. That's another story. I sat on the smaller swing and rocked myself while I nursed Larry back to life. I fingered the skinny chain necklace with my other hand and thought about Alicia from my class. I imagined she was Alicia Silverstone's sister, and for some reason their parents named them the same name. I thought about what it would be like if girls were proud of guys that won spelling bees, guys that won Magic the Gathering tournaments, guys like me.

I searched through my bag of tapes and put the Batman Forever soundtrack on my Walkman, fast forwarding through U2 straight to the Sunny Day Real Estate song when I felt a push.

I looked up from the ground and saw Josh standing above me. "Nice shoes," he said, looking at my Jnco kicks and laughing with Dustin. "What are you, gay?"
Having no idea what this meant, I said the worst thing I could have. "Uh, I don't really know. Are you?"

"WHAT? DUSTIN, THIS KID JUST CALLED ME GAY!" Dustin didn't ever really say anything, he just did a lot of picking people up. Like he did with me, right then. I could smell the Lucas on his breath from behind while Josh walked toward me. Dustin ripped the headphones off my head, tearing the right ear's wire.

"Do not talk to me like that, Dammit. What are you even doing over here?"
"Playing with Lar... Playing this game."

Josh picked Larry up from the ground and threw him over the fence. My eyes welled up, but I knew there was nothing I could do.

"Oh, baby's crying, huh?"
I fought back tears. "Just stop, please."
"Did you just tell me what to do?"
"No, I'm..."

I then got punched in the stomach for the first and only time. Doubled over, I dreamed an angel's voice commanding Josh to stop. I ignored my imagination and brought myself all the way to the ground and closed my eyes. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, and I realized that I just lost Larry.

I felt a tap on my back, so I curled up more, but I heard that angelic voice again. "You can get up now."
I looked up and Alicia was there with her hand out. I couldn't believe she saw me cry, but she was still here. I reached my hand out and when it touched hers, time stopped. She smiled, and I'm sure I was grinning like I just got an N64 for Christmas. She pulled me up.

"He's a jerk. are you ok?"
"Yeah, I think so. My stomach kind of hurts."
She giggled, "Your hair looks different, did you get it cut."
Ashamed, I thought about explaining the whole story, but I just said "Yeah, my mom did it."
"It looks pretty good."

I had to hold myself back from jumping in the air, fists pumping, screaming YEAH like the Karate Kid. I realized we were still holding hands around the same time she did.

We both looked down, let go, and looked at each other. She giggled again. I tried to run my fingers through my hair (a trick I learned from JTT himself), but they got stuck in the mousse. Terrified, I tried to think of a way to make it look like I did that on purpose when she laughed again.

"See you later."
"Yeah, you too."

As she walked away, I could have charmed her with a well placed line from a movie, but when I opened my mouth, I was completely speechless. I watched her walk up to Mrs. Johnson, and point to Josh. I needed to sit down.

I put my headphones back on. It was that moment that Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" rose to a crescendo in my one working headphone, and I realized I was in love.