It's not till a friend sees your 5 year old brother's tiny penis that they become a best friend. This was most definitely the case with Mike. When I lived in the woodlands, I only had one friend. His name was David. His extended family would have once-a-month b-b-q's where they would drag the piano to the back porch while the grandmother sang old blues songs while everyone danced and laughed at how white I was. David had an outie belly button, so for years I thought that all black boys had outies. Turns out, I was wrong.
When David moved away, I was devestated. I was in first grade with no one to play four square with. What was I supposed to do? Enter Mike.
Just imagine the heavy kid from a kids sports movie. It doesn't matter which one, this was mike. He was wearing a cardinals jersey, a backwards cap with a tuft of hair sticking through it, cut off shorts and Fila shoes (which until recently I believed were called FILS because of this logo). My kinda guy, amirite?
So Mike lives down the street, but within sight of my house. After watching TGIF one night at his house, I get up to go home and say bye to Mike and his mom. They stand on the porch, snickering quietly as I turn away from my house and start walking down the street.
"Come on..." I hear Mike yelling to me. I turn around and realize I would have been REALLY LOST had I continued on my path. We walk to my house discussing at great length the differences between Chocolate Soldier and Yoo-Hoo. I'm not sure, but I think Chocolate Soldier won.
Having just obtained a new Dinobot toy, I invite Mike in to check out the wares. We sit down in the living room and pit his Megazord toy versus my Dinobot in some kind of All-Star duel from Jesus Christ himself.
All the sudden, I hear Tim scream "I'm STRONG BOY" (a phrase he stole from my sister, that's a whole other story altogether) and come running down the stairs, butt-ass-naked. He's bouncing up and down, letting his ding-dang flop like a fairy stuck in a lantern. He's crawling around, showing us everything he's got going on. He's trying to hug Mike and I, but we won't have it.
We run outside and Mike says "Man, your brother's weird." That was the last time we ever spoke of naked Timmy again. Until now.
29.9.08
12.9.08
Tim and Staci
I remember my brother's first kiss better than he does.
I suppose this starts the fateful winter day when Brian and Jacob move in across the street from me. Chris Chambers, whose mother is a clown, and I are discussing at great length Amy Jo Johnson's best assets when a moving truck stopped at the house in front of us. With wide eyes, Chris and I watched as Nicole, the babeliest of all older sisters opened the door and slid out of the passenger seat, one beautiful, smooth leg at a time.
A car pulled up behind the truck and parked in the driveway. Enter Briand and Jacob. These boys were to become my best friends for the next few years, after Chris Chambers' mother and brothers get arrested for selling marijuana and he moves in with his Catholic grandmother in Galveston.
That summer, Brian, Jacob and I were swimming in their pool when we realized that my brother Tim is the same age as their sister Staci. For some reason, the only logical stepping stone from that realization was to have a pool wedding. I went home to drag Tim away from playing Final Fantasy VI long enough for this to happen. I told him we were having a race where all the losers had to pitch in on buying Breath of Fire II, one of the sweetest RPGs out at the time.
Tim, the self proclaimed "half waterbug, half boy," assumed he would win the race, so he throws on his board shorts and we race across the street to see Staci with a halo of flowers standing in the shallow end of the pool waiting for him. Confused, Tim looks at me, but doesn't suspect a thing and climbs into the pool. Brian starts the ceremony by revealing to Tim why everyone was gathered there that day. Tim starts to get nervous, but realizes that maybe he's a little in love with Staci.
We quickly run through the ceremony saying why we're there and all that. When we get to the exchanging of rings, we realize we don't have one. Being the creative boys we are, we decide that Brian and Jacob doing simultaneous can openers while I do a front flip over the couple while they kiss is ring enough.
Tim choked. "Kiss?"
"Come on, Tim! We're already this far. Just a peck on the lips! That's all you have to do."
Tim, exasperated as always, sighs and decides it's not worth the beating he'd get if he argued.
I shout the orders.
"ONE!"
Brian and Jacob kneel a little, preparing for their leap.
"TWO!"
Tim and Staci look at each other awkwardly.
"THREE!"
I run to the end of the diving board and fling myself, head over feet, in appropriate wedding manner.
A splash heard from the heavens rings out across the entire City of Conroe. When I come up from the water, I see Tim and Staci still in lip-lock. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I reflect. Then I hear Jacob scream "GROSS" and we splash them.
I suppose this starts the fateful winter day when Brian and Jacob move in across the street from me. Chris Chambers, whose mother is a clown, and I are discussing at great length Amy Jo Johnson's best assets when a moving truck stopped at the house in front of us. With wide eyes, Chris and I watched as Nicole, the babeliest of all older sisters opened the door and slid out of the passenger seat, one beautiful, smooth leg at a time.
A car pulled up behind the truck and parked in the driveway. Enter Briand and Jacob. These boys were to become my best friends for the next few years, after Chris Chambers' mother and brothers get arrested for selling marijuana and he moves in with his Catholic grandmother in Galveston.
That summer, Brian, Jacob and I were swimming in their pool when we realized that my brother Tim is the same age as their sister Staci. For some reason, the only logical stepping stone from that realization was to have a pool wedding. I went home to drag Tim away from playing Final Fantasy VI long enough for this to happen. I told him we were having a race where all the losers had to pitch in on buying Breath of Fire II, one of the sweetest RPGs out at the time.
Tim, the self proclaimed "half waterbug, half boy," assumed he would win the race, so he throws on his board shorts and we race across the street to see Staci with a halo of flowers standing in the shallow end of the pool waiting for him. Confused, Tim looks at me, but doesn't suspect a thing and climbs into the pool. Brian starts the ceremony by revealing to Tim why everyone was gathered there that day. Tim starts to get nervous, but realizes that maybe he's a little in love with Staci.
We quickly run through the ceremony saying why we're there and all that. When we get to the exchanging of rings, we realize we don't have one. Being the creative boys we are, we decide that Brian and Jacob doing simultaneous can openers while I do a front flip over the couple while they kiss is ring enough.
Tim choked. "Kiss?"
"Come on, Tim! We're already this far. Just a peck on the lips! That's all you have to do."
Tim, exasperated as always, sighs and decides it's not worth the beating he'd get if he argued.
I shout the orders.
"ONE!"
Brian and Jacob kneel a little, preparing for their leap.
"TWO!"
Tim and Staci look at each other awkwardly.
"THREE!"
I run to the end of the diving board and fling myself, head over feet, in appropriate wedding manner.
A splash heard from the heavens rings out across the entire City of Conroe. When I come up from the water, I see Tim and Staci still in lip-lock. Not wanting to ruin the moment, I reflect. Then I hear Jacob scream "GROSS" and we splash them.
11.9.08
Never Forget
My friend Rachel drove me to school in High School during the time my parents grounded my from my car. She was the kind of girl who wore a promise ring, not to her boyfriend, but to Jesus Christ, her personal savior.
The morning of September eleventh started like every other morning; we're driving to school listening to the Christian radio station, when the radio host interrupts the Stephen Curtis Chapman song we're listening to and says, "Something terrible has happened. We're not going to discuss it on this radio station because we feel it's not positive, and we're a family radio station, so if you want to hear the news, switch to a different frequency. Let's pray."
I'm kind of freaking out at this point because I have no idea what's going on, so I suggest to Rachel that we switch to an A.M. News station to hear the news. She says "My dial stays on 89.3," so I sit in silence for the rest of the ride.
When we pull into school and get out, our friend Amber is crying.
"Two planes were hijacked and hit the World Trade Center. One building is on fire and one collapsed."
I'm freaking out because my aunt and uncle live in NYC, I wonder how they're taking it, when Rachel says, "What is that? Wait, the flea market?"
The morning of September eleventh started like every other morning; we're driving to school listening to the Christian radio station, when the radio host interrupts the Stephen Curtis Chapman song we're listening to and says, "Something terrible has happened. We're not going to discuss it on this radio station because we feel it's not positive, and we're a family radio station, so if you want to hear the news, switch to a different frequency. Let's pray."
I'm kind of freaking out at this point because I have no idea what's going on, so I suggest to Rachel that we switch to an A.M. News station to hear the news. She says "My dial stays on 89.3," so I sit in silence for the rest of the ride.
When we pull into school and get out, our friend Amber is crying.
"Two planes were hijacked and hit the World Trade Center. One building is on fire and one collapsed."
I'm freaking out because my aunt and uncle live in NYC, I wonder how they're taking it, when Rachel says, "What is that? Wait, the flea market?"
10.9.08
Hot Tamales
I cannot listen to Green Day's Dookie without smelling/tasting the Hot Tamales I was eating the fateful 4th grade day I brought it home and fell in love.
Alicia
I meant to do this yesterday, but I wasn't on the computer all day. This is a short one, but the last post triggered a million memories and this is one.
Alicia was my vice growing up. I loved her all of elementary school. I had already told Jenni Connor I would marry her in 1st Grade, but then I moved. Hos in area codes, amirite?
So in 5th grade, right before the beginning of summer, right before I moved to Magnolia, right before my entire life changed, my family took a road trip.
Luckily I had Pokemon red with me, because it was four hours long. I named my Charmander Alicia, and used her in every battle I could. I never let her die. About halfway through the trip, however, my game boy got duller and duller till the batteries totally died and the screen went blank. I thought about crying, but you can't let my parents see emotions. My dad smells fear and all that.
So for the rest of the trip, literally, I sang Jewel's "You were meant for me," and gazed out the window imagining Alicia's face. How smooth, right? I don't think she and I had talked for years, and that was probably the last time I could remember what she looked like.
Alicia was my vice growing up. I loved her all of elementary school. I had already told Jenni Connor I would marry her in 1st Grade, but then I moved. Hos in area codes, amirite?
So in 5th grade, right before the beginning of summer, right before I moved to Magnolia, right before my entire life changed, my family took a road trip.
Luckily I had Pokemon red with me, because it was four hours long. I named my Charmander Alicia, and used her in every battle I could. I never let her die. About halfway through the trip, however, my game boy got duller and duller till the batteries totally died and the screen went blank. I thought about crying, but you can't let my parents see emotions. My dad smells fear and all that.
So for the rest of the trip, literally, I sang Jewel's "You were meant for me," and gazed out the window imagining Alicia's face. How smooth, right? I don't think she and I had talked for years, and that was probably the last time I could remember what she looked like.
8.9.08
Josh
If you grew up knowing a Josh, you already know this story.
Josh comes in to Mrs. Johnson's 4th grade class 5 minutes late, just like every other monday. She sighs, unamused, while he circles the class twice, shaking the blonde hair out of his eyes every time he passes Alicia.
When Mrs. Johnson finishes writing the warmup on the wall, she turns around to see him still pacing the room.
"If you don't choose, Josh, I'll choose for you."
He snickers, winkss at the teacher, and starts to sit down next to Alicia. I guess his dad taught him that trick this weekend. He's not so suave when his mother has him.
"Not there. Sit next to Daniel and start the warm-up."
I immediately begin sweating. That weekend, I saw Tom and Huck and immediately asked my mother how to make my awkward, wavy hair straight like JTT's. She suggested I put mousse in it, sleep with a hat on, and I'll wake up looking fantastic. I woke up with hard hair that wasn't all the way combed back, but pretty close. This couldn't be further from what Josh looked like.
He snickered again, and sat next to me.
"Hi, I'm Josh."
"Yeah, I think we've met a few times."
"Oh, right. Cool. Good to meet you."
I looked over at his No Fear shirt and brand new watch with a compass on it and slid my old Casio calculator watch under the desk, hoping he wouldn't notice the collar or zipper on the shirt my grandma got me.
At recess, I immediately ran off with my yellow Tamagachi monkey, remembering I hadn't fed him all day. His name was Larry. That's another story. I sat on the smaller swing and rocked myself while I nursed Larry back to life. I fingered the skinny chain necklace with my other hand and thought about Alicia from my class. I imagined she was Alicia Silverstone's sister, and for some reason their parents named them the same name. I thought about what it would be like if girls were proud of guys that won spelling bees, guys that won Magic the Gathering tournaments, guys like me.
I searched through my bag of tapes and put the Batman Forever soundtrack on my Walkman, fast forwarding through U2 straight to the Sunny Day Real Estate song when I felt a push.
I looked up from the ground and saw Josh standing above me. "Nice shoes," he said, looking at my Jnco kicks and laughing with Dustin. "What are you, gay?"
Having no idea what this meant, I said the worst thing I could have. "Uh, I don't really know. Are you?"
"WHAT? DUSTIN, THIS KID JUST CALLED ME GAY!" Dustin didn't ever really say anything, he just did a lot of picking people up. Like he did with me, right then. I could smell the Lucas on his breath from behind while Josh walked toward me. Dustin ripped the headphones off my head, tearing the right ear's wire.
"Do not talk to me like that, Dammit. What are you even doing over here?"
"Playing with Lar... Playing this game."
Josh picked Larry up from the ground and threw him over the fence. My eyes welled up, but I knew there was nothing I could do.
"Oh, baby's crying, huh?"
I fought back tears. "Just stop, please."
"Did you just tell me what to do?"
"No, I'm..."
I then got punched in the stomach for the first and only time. Doubled over, I dreamed an angel's voice commanding Josh to stop. I ignored my imagination and brought myself all the way to the ground and closed my eyes. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, and I realized that I just lost Larry.
I felt a tap on my back, so I curled up more, but I heard that angelic voice again. "You can get up now."
I looked up and Alicia was there with her hand out. I couldn't believe she saw me cry, but she was still here. I reached my hand out and when it touched hers, time stopped. She smiled, and I'm sure I was grinning like I just got an N64 for Christmas. She pulled me up.
"He's a jerk. are you ok?"
"Yeah, I think so. My stomach kind of hurts."
She giggled, "Your hair looks different, did you get it cut."
Ashamed, I thought about explaining the whole story, but I just said "Yeah, my mom did it."
"It looks pretty good."
I had to hold myself back from jumping in the air, fists pumping, screaming YEAH like the Karate Kid. I realized we were still holding hands around the same time she did.
We both looked down, let go, and looked at each other. She giggled again. I tried to run my fingers through my hair (a trick I learned from JTT himself), but they got stuck in the mousse. Terrified, I tried to think of a way to make it look like I did that on purpose when she laughed again.
"See you later."
"Yeah, you too."
As she walked away, I could have charmed her with a well placed line from a movie, but when I opened my mouth, I was completely speechless. I watched her walk up to Mrs. Johnson, and point to Josh. I needed to sit down.
I put my headphones back on. It was that moment that Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" rose to a crescendo in my one working headphone, and I realized I was in love.
Josh comes in to Mrs. Johnson's 4th grade class 5 minutes late, just like every other monday. She sighs, unamused, while he circles the class twice, shaking the blonde hair out of his eyes every time he passes Alicia.
When Mrs. Johnson finishes writing the warmup on the wall, she turns around to see him still pacing the room.
"If you don't choose, Josh, I'll choose for you."
He snickers, winkss at the teacher, and starts to sit down next to Alicia. I guess his dad taught him that trick this weekend. He's not so suave when his mother has him.
"Not there. Sit next to Daniel and start the warm-up."
I immediately begin sweating. That weekend, I saw Tom and Huck and immediately asked my mother how to make my awkward, wavy hair straight like JTT's. She suggested I put mousse in it, sleep with a hat on, and I'll wake up looking fantastic. I woke up with hard hair that wasn't all the way combed back, but pretty close. This couldn't be further from what Josh looked like.
He snickered again, and sat next to me.
"Hi, I'm Josh."
"Yeah, I think we've met a few times."
"Oh, right. Cool. Good to meet you."
I looked over at his No Fear shirt and brand new watch with a compass on it and slid my old Casio calculator watch under the desk, hoping he wouldn't notice the collar or zipper on the shirt my grandma got me.
At recess, I immediately ran off with my yellow Tamagachi monkey, remembering I hadn't fed him all day. His name was Larry. That's another story. I sat on the smaller swing and rocked myself while I nursed Larry back to life. I fingered the skinny chain necklace with my other hand and thought about Alicia from my class. I imagined she was Alicia Silverstone's sister, and for some reason their parents named them the same name. I thought about what it would be like if girls were proud of guys that won spelling bees, guys that won Magic the Gathering tournaments, guys like me.
I searched through my bag of tapes and put the Batman Forever soundtrack on my Walkman, fast forwarding through U2 straight to the Sunny Day Real Estate song when I felt a push.
I looked up from the ground and saw Josh standing above me. "Nice shoes," he said, looking at my Jnco kicks and laughing with Dustin. "What are you, gay?"
Having no idea what this meant, I said the worst thing I could have. "Uh, I don't really know. Are you?"
"WHAT? DUSTIN, THIS KID JUST CALLED ME GAY!" Dustin didn't ever really say anything, he just did a lot of picking people up. Like he did with me, right then. I could smell the Lucas on his breath from behind while Josh walked toward me. Dustin ripped the headphones off my head, tearing the right ear's wire.
"Do not talk to me like that, Dammit. What are you even doing over here?"
"Playing with Lar... Playing this game."
Josh picked Larry up from the ground and threw him over the fence. My eyes welled up, but I knew there was nothing I could do.
"Oh, baby's crying, huh?"
I fought back tears. "Just stop, please."
"Did you just tell me what to do?"
"No, I'm..."
I then got punched in the stomach for the first and only time. Doubled over, I dreamed an angel's voice commanding Josh to stop. I ignored my imagination and brought myself all the way to the ground and closed my eyes. I couldn't breathe, I couldn't think, and I realized that I just lost Larry.
I felt a tap on my back, so I curled up more, but I heard that angelic voice again. "You can get up now."
I looked up and Alicia was there with her hand out. I couldn't believe she saw me cry, but she was still here. I reached my hand out and when it touched hers, time stopped. She smiled, and I'm sure I was grinning like I just got an N64 for Christmas. She pulled me up.
"He's a jerk. are you ok?"
"Yeah, I think so. My stomach kind of hurts."
She giggled, "Your hair looks different, did you get it cut."
Ashamed, I thought about explaining the whole story, but I just said "Yeah, my mom did it."
"It looks pretty good."
I had to hold myself back from jumping in the air, fists pumping, screaming YEAH like the Karate Kid. I realized we were still holding hands around the same time she did.
We both looked down, let go, and looked at each other. She giggled again. I tried to run my fingers through my hair (a trick I learned from JTT himself), but they got stuck in the mousse. Terrified, I tried to think of a way to make it look like I did that on purpose when she laughed again.
"See you later."
"Yeah, you too."
As she walked away, I could have charmed her with a well placed line from a movie, but when I opened my mouth, I was completely speechless. I watched her walk up to Mrs. Johnson, and point to Josh. I needed to sit down.
I put my headphones back on. It was that moment that Seal's "Kiss From a Rose" rose to a crescendo in my one working headphone, and I realized I was in love.
welcome
I have never authored a blog without pictures before. I have never kept a journal. My brain is full.
Because of these three things, this blog exists. I will write a memory or two every day until I've sufficiently made room for new things in my brain. Science tells me this won't work, but since when do I care about science?
My memory, at this point, is somewhat of a joke, so I suppose this will savor the memories that I have, discover new ones, maybe even encourage me to keep a journal. As of now, this is my outlet.
Hopefully this blog will be personal, light, and informative. Ladies, if you're wondering who I am (who i was), start here. The link will be on my new business cards.
Enjoy.
Because of these three things, this blog exists. I will write a memory or two every day until I've sufficiently made room for new things in my brain. Science tells me this won't work, but since when do I care about science?
My memory, at this point, is somewhat of a joke, so I suppose this will savor the memories that I have, discover new ones, maybe even encourage me to keep a journal. As of now, this is my outlet.
Hopefully this blog will be personal, light, and informative. Ladies, if you're wondering who I am (who i was), start here. The link will be on my new business cards.
Enjoy.
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