It's not till a friend sees your 5 year old brother's tiny penis that they become a best friend. This was most definitely the case with Mike. When I lived in the woodlands, I only had one friend. His name was David. His extended family would have once-a-month b-b-q's where they would drag the piano to the back porch while the grandmother sang old blues songs while everyone danced and laughed at how white I was. David had an outie belly button, so for years I thought that all black boys had outies. Turns out, I was wrong.
When David moved away, I was devestated. I was in first grade with no one to play four square with. What was I supposed to do? Enter Mike.
Just imagine the heavy kid from a kids sports movie. It doesn't matter which one, this was mike. He was wearing a cardinals jersey, a backwards cap with a tuft of hair sticking through it, cut off shorts and Fila shoes (which until recently I believed were called FILS because of this logo). My kinda guy, amirite?
So Mike lives down the street, but within sight of my house. After watching TGIF one night at his house, I get up to go home and say bye to Mike and his mom. They stand on the porch, snickering quietly as I turn away from my house and start walking down the street.
"Come on..." I hear Mike yelling to me. I turn around and realize I would have been REALLY LOST had I continued on my path. We walk to my house discussing at great length the differences between Chocolate Soldier and Yoo-Hoo. I'm not sure, but I think Chocolate Soldier won.
Having just obtained a new Dinobot toy, I invite Mike in to check out the wares. We sit down in the living room and pit his Megazord toy versus my Dinobot in some kind of All-Star duel from Jesus Christ himself.
All the sudden, I hear Tim scream "I'm STRONG BOY" (a phrase he stole from my sister, that's a whole other story altogether) and come running down the stairs, butt-ass-naked. He's bouncing up and down, letting his ding-dang flop like a fairy stuck in a lantern. He's crawling around, showing us everything he's got going on. He's trying to hug Mike and I, but we won't have it.
We run outside and Mike says "Man, your brother's weird." That was the last time we ever spoke of naked Timmy again. Until now.
5 comments:
like a fairy stuck in a lantern.
ha. i'm glad i didn't witness this. i probably would have felt awkward.
man, i wish i wasn't saying this, but i too flashed my brother's friends at least once.
i'm talking full-frontal-penis-to-face-up-close-and-personal-action here.
"flop like a fairy stuck in a lantern"
LOLWTF.
Too good.
also, you SHOULD have been made fun of for your whiteness for thinking FILA was FILS.
I think that every little brother has flashed their older brother's friends. It's an unwritten rule of underbrotherhood. (except me I never did that, I was taught to be compoletely ashamed of my naked body like a good boy)
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